that's all, 2011.. that's all

wow, baru nyadar kalo udah lama ga update blog.. hehe udh ada sebulanan ya..
alhamdulillah hari ini lagi mood nulis, pas di malem tahun baru 2012 :)

well, udah beberapa hari ini saya semacam merenungi tahun 2011 saya.. and i think this is the hardest year of my life.
i've been fighting for hard times so many times, feeling abondoned, loved, ignored, sooo many things i just cant explain..
di twitter, di tivi, di koran, obrolan temen2.. semuanya lagi sering2nya mereview tahun 2011.
entah kenapa saya sama sekali ngga pengen, bahakan cenderung menghindari mereview tahun 2011 saya, which is considered as my biggest fail, embarassing year, and a super duper tough year for me.. a year i've never been expected before.
tapi setelah dipikir2, karena ngga tau mau berbagi sama siapa lagi, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk nulis aja, entah review atau bukan ini namanya, but i need a kind of self-talk and self-discussion about this new-year-thing.

apa yang akan kalian lakukan

apa yang akan kalian lakukan kalo semua yang kalian yakini cuma kalian doang yang yakin sementara orang yang dengan siapa kalian yakin engga yakin akan hal itu?
okay, ribet yaa haha intinya pokoknya ketika hal yang lo yakini adalah sesuatu yang ngga mungkin.
mungkin beberapa orang, termasuk saya sendiri beberapa jam yang lalu adalah seseorang yang meyakini bahwa TIDAK ADA yang tidak mungkin di dunia ini.. sampai tiba2 saya disadarkan oleh status facebook seorang teman..

jare Sopo "tak ada yang tidak mungkin di dunia ini" iso a mbalikno bubur dadi beras?  (siapa bilang tidak ada yang tidak mungkin di dunia ini? emang bisa gitu ngebalikin bubur jadi beras?)

to congratulate you

hi, congratulations for your seminar..
i am extremely happy to hear that it was a total success :)
though i cant be there, i just can give all my prayers to you, and you know you will always be in my prayers..

this may mean nothing to you, comparing to all of your friends who came there for you.. helping you, cheering you up, taking pictures of you.. they must be very happy and proud to be there.. i wish i could hahaha

i know im no longer your number one (eventhough im still wishing to be hehe :p)
but it's okay.. i can understand.. i might not as important as i used to be in your life, but you will always be in mine, and i'll be very very happy to be told by you about your progress.. im always waiting for anything from you (if you want, of course.. hehe :p)

i know i can be considered as useless for being only such a kind of shadow for you.. hahaha but i hope you can understand that i really mean everything i do for you.. at least to substitute my absence there.
i'll try to understand that i am abandoned, neglected, or somewhat else, because im just a shadow of nothing, right? 
i'll try to understand that my name won't be written down as somebody who helped you, because i didn't really and physically helped you, right?
hahahahaha okay im sorry, i just dont know what i wrote about, well i just want to congratulate you..

CONGRATULATIONS, I'M PROUD OF YOU! :)

The Script - For The First Time ;')

"....smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years

we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time"

how this 8 people could be in the same table, doing some different things, with a different same gadget.

a long title, huh?
so, i have been sitting here for 3hours, doing some unimportant things.
it's 3 hours and it feel just like still an hour haha unimportant things always feel so fast :p
i stalk people's twitter timeline, played The Sims, kaskus-ing, facebook-ing, watching the riddiculous short cartoon Larva, had a CTR battle with my friends, and that unimportant things.
noticing that im going to have a structure test in the next 2 hours, i'm still holding my grammar book and dont even touch or turn-over the pages for the last 3 hours.
i was meant to have a little review and study but im focusing on my laptop al the time haha

two girls in front of me were heboh-ly watching a korean tv show recording, next to them, three young guy, about 21-ish, were having a CTR battle and cursing each other, next to me, a guy about 22-ish were seriosly staring at his laptop doing his assignment, probably, after spending the previous 5 minutes cursing his friend for acidentally plugged off his laptop cable which make his laptop turned off and make him has to do his assignment from the beginning, he looks stressfull. what a pity.
on my left side, a lesbian girl, were busy doing things with her blackberry, it seems like she gout so many BBM that i heard much BBM ringtone from her phone. so are the rest of the people sitting here.

me, were 'busy' dealing myself whether to study or doing with my laptop, but i finally decide it, i write this post better than i study for my grammar test.

enough ya. okay. see you then.

I AM A SUMMER PIRATE: Konsep Bahagia.

I AM A SUMMER PIRATE: Konsep Bahagia.: Konsep bahagia tiap orang itu berbeda, ada yang baru merasakan bahagia kalau ada di bawah sorotan, dipuja puja, dielukan, ada yang bahagia s...

"Memangnya aku masih boleh punya cita2 ya, Kak?"

Beberapa hari yang lalu, ane sempet ngobrol-ngobrol sama temen ane di kampus. Nah, temen ane ini menjadi salah satu relawan pengajar di sebuah komunitas peduli anak jalanan di kota ane. Waktu itu ane sempet mau daftar juga sih tapi udah ditutup hehe

Para relawan pengajar ini bertugas ngajarin anak2 jalanan mulai dari membaca, berhitung, dll yaahh kasarannya kaya sekolah gratis gitu lah gan, karna kebanyakan dari anak-anak jalanan tersebut ngga disekolahin sama orang tuanya.

Suatu hari, pas temen ane tadi lagi ngajar, sewajarnya seorang guru, temen ane iseng nanya ke anak2 tadi, "Cita-cita kalian nanti kalo udah besar mau jadi apa?"

Mereka semua diem.

"Ayo siapa mau yang jadi pilot, jadi dokter tunjuk tangan"

Mereka diem lagi.

Lalu tiba-tiba salah satu dari mereka denagn polosnya nyeletuk, "Memangnya kita masih boleh punya cita2, mbak?"

Temen ane diem. Kaget.

Lalu si anak tadi melanjutkan, "Kata bapak kita gausah sekolah, pokoknya kita disuruh ngamen aja".

Subhanallah ane terharu banget dengernya gan.. Seburuk itukah kehidupan mereka dan didikan orang tuanya, sampe mereka merasa ngga boleh punya cita2.

Ane sering liat temen-temen ane yang tiap ditanya apa cita-citanya mereka selalu jawab, "Ga tau, apa aja deh, yang penting kerja, halal"

Harusnya sih kita bisa aja punya cita-cita lebih dari sekedar "kerja halal" karna hidup kita lebih beruntung daripada anak-anak tadi. Kita masih dsekolahin sama orang tua kita, dan ga harus hidup sekeras mereka.

Maaf ya gan kalo sok bijak atau gimana, ane cuma mau share aja. Semoga bisa menginspirasi agan/sist sekalian buat lebih berani bercita-cita dan lebih berani mewujudkan mimpinya. Atau mungkin lebih membuka matanya untuk menyelamatkan pendidikan anak-anak yang kurang beruntung :)





ps. maaf ya kalo bahasanya Kaskus banget hehe copy-paste dari thread saya di Kaskus http://www.kaskus.us/showthread.php?t=11355298 :)

again. fall into the same mudhole.

hi, it's me.. the girl you saw in a an awful look one day at the canteen.
yes i know it was just like almost 7 months ago but.. you know what? i still got stucked in the same situation.
i've ever survived it, almost, but i don't know there's always something that hit me back again to that same story.
now i fall again, i dont even know how many times i've been. i don't count.

i feel something that have to be saved after all this far.
i know it's been too ridiculous to save this relationship. it won't work.
but friendship is always worth to to be saved, at least in my opinion.
this may sounds over.
but this friendship has brought us, oh well, me, at least, too deep.
how deep?
can't explain it. i think it's as deep as how you're getting more and more meaningful to me in my life.
i'm getting used to that stupid jokes, that awful anger, that beautiful things we talked, that sweet advices and supports,oh god this is too much to write.. hahaha
how all of those stuffs has been becoming one of the most important life in my life.
once, i've tried, yes i know i made it, but it doesn't last long.. and don't forget it, get it bold and italicized, it should be end in a good and deep conversation ended with supports and smiles..
that's my bad, i think, i'm just too over in ending things beautifully.

now that i've fallen into the same situation for several times, i still feel that empty.
especially when it turns into some kind of boredom
i feel like im talking to a stranger.
there's no cheerful texts, good conversations, sharing things that have been done in a day, and giving supports anymore.
really not a friendly thing.

i might be stupid for telling this, but should i doing the same thing?
i feel like i'm saving a non-sense.
im saving thing of a two person, but im fighting alone. one person.

now let me see if you still stand for this.
i'll appreciate it. a lot.
no lie. seriously, i miss you and all of those things above.
it's you. everything.
i need it. it's you.

this is difficult, dude! haha

have you ever felt how hard is keeping stuff or feeling by yourself? or how hard does it feel when you have to force yourself to realize the condition or situation you face? it feels like you're going to blown up keeping stuff you just cant stand to keep, right?
okay right, that's stupid hahaha
i know it's been sooooo hard keeping how you really miss someone you love, or how you should hold yourself in saying how you really want your name to be put in his acknowledgment page thesis hahahha
at the same time you probably should force yourself to realize you position and the situation you face with him.. that's soooo hard you know.. you probably should do few ridiculous things to get yourself forget it, like sneaking to the kitchen and stealing food from the fridge.. hahaha

anyway, im just blubbering mumbling this stupid thing :p

SELAMAT HARI BLOG NASIONAL!!! :)

semoga eksistensi bloggers bisa diakui dan tetap update blog nya dengan tulisan2 yang bagus yaaa teman-temaann :D

this made me extremely confident :)

"This is the real you, right? Smart. Bespestacled. Who wouldn't wanna see that?" (Flint Lockwood, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs)

*ps. flint was just like you, capt.. you always says wearing glasses are fine.. and beautiful. thanks, capt :)